The S-Files

Gym Observations

2006-12-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

Once again, my appologies for waiting so long in between posts. I needed to take 7 months to myself after the underwhelming INXS concert I discussed in my previous post.

Anywho, I was at the gym today, which motivated my post this evening. Here's a list of things that can be found in pretty much every gym that just make me piss my pants laughing:

1. The positive correlation that exists between a man's age and the likelihood that they'll parade around the change room naked.

2. The barbie girl who'll hop on the stairmaster and work out at the lowest setting for about an hour so she won't get sweat on her 200 dollar work out outfit or cause her face full of make up to run.

3. The buff guy who'll work out wearing a sleeveless undershirt...and a toque???

4. The guy who positions himself in front of the mirror in the change room so he can check himself out while changing. If you want a cheap laugh, do what I do and purposely position yourself between the mirror and him and whatch them try to non-chalantly look around you hahah.

5. Squat farts.

6. The guy who loads the bench press with ridiculous weight, then lowers it a quarter of an inch before pushing it back up and calling it a rep.

7. People who turn alternate bicep curls into the hokey-pokey in order to move the weights that are obviously too big for them.

Any others that I'm missing??

Was I ready for a new sensation??

2006-05-15T15:48:00.000-07:00

I'm baaaaaaaack....

First of all, I want to appologize to everyone for being absent from the blog for the last couple of months. I'd like to say that my exciting life has prevented me from posting, but let's face it, I've just been super lazy.

However, a couple of weeks ago, I took place in 3 different events that I feel are very blog-worthy. Last Tuesday, I attended the Pearl Jam concert at the ACC. I wont' get into much detail about this right now. That's another topic for another post. However, if you're really curious about how the show went, I strongly encourage you to check out my buddy Ryan's blog (dogvocab.blogspot.com) as he gives a very detailed rundown of the night's events as well as highlighting the personal significance of the show from himself and I. All I'll add right now is that I can definitely check this off the "things to do before I die list".

In other news, last Saturday, I made my return to the world of running by participating in the Mississauga 10k for the 2nd straight year. I hope to provide more detail on this soon....

The third event of significance this week is the topic of today's post. Last night, I attended the INXS concert at the ACC last night with Ryan, my co-worker Sara and her husband Jeff. I went into this show with great expectations. I admit that like many others, I was somewhat skeptical when I heard that INXS was searching for the late Michael Hutchence's replacement through a reality show. However, also like many others I found myself hooked on the show once it hit the air as it was basically American Idol with good music and MUCH cooler hosts (Paula Abdul has got nothin' on Kirk Pengilly!). My favorite aspect of the show was when contestants were required to sing INXS songs in order to avoid elimination as it really gave the viewer a sense of who had a realistic chance of winning and who didn't. Eventually, adopted maritimer JD Fortune won the role of new front man for INXS, recorded the album "Switch" and began a subsequent tour. The most recent stop on the tour was last Sunday night at the ACC.

I went into the show with mixed feelings as I anticipated a very good show, however at the end of the show, I left feeling somewhat conflicted as there were very good aspects of the show and some bad aspects....the bad news first:

First, JD Fortune is a complete WANKER! Dont' get me wrong, the guy is a great singer! He's no Michael Hutchence mind you, but he's more than capable. It was more his stage presence that turned us off more so than his technical skill as a singer. For starters, the guy had nothing interesting to say. Whereas Eddie Vedder would share a few interesting stories/jokes in between songs, all JD could muster was "What the fuck's up TO?" , followed by "on with the show" after he would received the obligatory cheer from the crowd. Granted, the guy's only been with the group for a few months, so he likely doens't have many experiences to share with the crowd...but I think he's better served to not say anything at all. Second, I found myself being pretty irritated with how he'd constantly be kissing up to his legendary band mates, which was a terrible habit he had on the show as well. Finally, it became pretty obvious during the concert that Mr. Fortune is quite "popular" with the ladies. However, this appeared to go to his head real fast as he spent a lot of time humping the stage, grinding on his microphone stand and grabbing his crotch...totally gross. The girls shrieks of lusts quickly turned to laughs.

My next major issues involved the setlist. First of all, the entire show was only 90 minutes INCLUDING the encore. I found this a little weak considering that INXS is a band with almost 30 years of material to draw from. Pearl Jam played for over 2.5 hours a few nights before as did the Rolling Stones, when I saw them last year. I can only guess that JD only knows so many songs at this point, hence the shorter setlist. Also, this short setlist contained A LOT of material from the new album. I realize they're promoting the album, but a lot more attention should have been given to some of their older hits as a large majority of the audience came to hear the older songs based on the overwhelming reaction the band got whenever they busted out such hits as "Suicide Blonde", "What you Need", "Need you Tonight", "New Sensation", "By My Side", "Mystify", "Don't Change", "Original Sin", "Devil Inside" and "Never Tear Us Apart". While the new songs were all positively received, only their current hit"Pretty Vegas" received a comparable reaction to the above-mentioned songs. Painfully missed from the show were such hits as "The Stairs", "Disappear", "Bitter Tears", "Listen Like Thieves", "Elegantly Wasted", "This Time", "Beautiful Girl", "Baby Don't Cry", "The Gift", and others I'm probably forgetting. At one hilarious point in the show, a woman sitting behind us actually screamed out "Play some INXS!" after the band had rattled off 2 or 3 new tunes in a row. The band must have got the hint, because they followed with 3 or 4 classic songs and clearly had the crowd in the palm of their hands...only to leave the stage after only 1 hour and 15 mins of playing...somewhat killing the crowd's energy. When the band re-emerged a couple of minutes later...as a quick aside, I've always found the whole "encore" thing to be somewhat lame. Why doesn't the band just play all the songs in one set rather than walking off the stage, only to re-emerge 2 minutes later in order to create the illusion that the crowd begged them to come back. It all comes across as so contrived, especially in this case when the band had only played a little bit over an hour...but I digress...when the band returned, we were greeted with JD Fortune's attempt at beat poetry. Whoever told this tool that he was a poet should be shot, because it was some of the most non-sensical horseshit I ever heard in my life. The crowd was then "treated" to JD singing "Amazing Grace" with the 2 background singers....Apparently INXS is now covering my church choir. Finally the band got the hint and finished the night on a high note with "New Sensation", "Never Tear us Apart" and "Don't Change".

Anyway, before I come across as a cynical jerk , if I haven't already, I should say that as a whole, the concert was a fantastic show...eventhough the set was somewhat short for my tastes and I didn't hear a lot of the songs I hoped I would hear, what I did hear was for the most part extremely good! Wanker or not, JD Fortune is a very strong singer. Granted, he's no Michael Hutchence, but to make such a comparison is unfair as Hutchence was 1 in a million. The remaining band members haven't lost a step either.

So yeah, I'm somewhat conflicted about the show. It was really great, but I can't help but think that it could have been so much more. Then again, the fact that the Pearl Jam concert reaked with as much awesomeness as it did may have caused me to have unrealistic expectations for INXS. I suppose in the end, I 'm thankful that the band is still out there, and rockin' as well as they are when most of their contemporaries from the 80s are either retired or shells of their former selves clearly looking to earn a buck off a nostalgia kick (I don't think Loverboy, Def Leppard or Extreme would sell out the ACC).

Anywho, sorry again for the long delay between posts and have a great day!

So long Anonymous...We hardly knew ye

2006-02-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

Anyone who's been checking out this blog on a sem-regular basis may have noticed that my last few posts have been swarmed with comments by some smartass(es) who think they're being clever by posting a bunch of nonsense either about me or about the posts and not identifying themselves. As a result, I"ve altered my settings so only registered blogspot users can now make posts. This shouldn't be a big deal, because for the most part, only fellow bloggers have been leaving posts.

This should bring an end to the lame-ass anonymous posts. If these jokers want to keep commenting, they can identify themselves like everyone else. But, I have a feeling that won't be happening as that would require them not to be the cowardly loser(s) they have been up to now.

Saturday Hilarity x 2

2006-02-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

I witnessed two hilarious incidents today that I thought I'd share with you all.

The first incident occured at Blockbuster this morning. I was in line with my copy of "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" (I don't care what anybody says, that shizzit is hilarious!) and the exchange between the guy in front of me and the guy behind the counter was priceless. I'll prefice the story by mentioning that Blockbuster has a "guaranteed rental" policy. This means, that they devote an entire shelf to a particular movie and guarantee that you can rent that movie otherwise you get a free rental. Now, I'm not sure if the free rental has to be the same movie that is guaranteed or any other movie of your choosing. I think its the later (correct me if I'm wrong) and I think the guy in line in front of me agreed. Here's what happened. He approaches the counter with a movie and tells the counterman that he was also hoping to rent "Legend of Zorro", which was a guaranteed rental, but he could not because all the copies on the shelf were rented. The guy behind the counter tells the guy not to worry, then reaches beneath the counter and presents an additional copy of the movie. Apparently they have reserve copies of the guaranteed rentals that aren't on the shelves. However, the dude in the line didn't seem particularly thrilled that he was going to get his movie afterall. In fact, when the counter guy asked "Did you want to take this as well?", he responded with "Uh, yeah I guess, ok".

Now, you don't need to have a master's in psychology to know what was going on here, but let me break it down for you. I think this gentleman was clearly trying to work the system and get a freebie. I think he entered the store, searched for a guaranteed rental that had no copies left. When he found one, he pretended to sulk about it to the counter person, in order to get a 2nd movie that he actually wanted to watch for free. However, the counter person presented the back-up copy of Zorro, the guy in line, obviously not wanting to expose himself the shady character looking to weasle a deal that he was, had no choice but to begrudgingly accept the movie. So this guy goes from thinking he's going to outsmart blockbuster and score a free movie to being forced to buy 2 movies, one of which he likely didn't plan to watch at all. It was all I could do not to start laughing right then and there.

The second incident happened this evening as I was watching olympic coverage on one of the french channels. Jennifer Heil, one of our mogul skiers, won a gold medal this morning (yay!) and was being interviewed. I understand that Heil is originally from Alberta, but currently lives and trains in Montreal, where she must have picked up a little french, hence her decision to accept the interview on the french chanel. The was conducted in french and started off without incident. However, some of Heil's responses required her to refer to some insider skiing terms that she obviously had trouble translating these, so she simply referred to them in english. However, I think this frazzeled Heil a bit because as the interview progressed she started speaking more of a combination of french and english (franglais if you will). The interviewer, noticing that Heil was having some troubles, decided to throw her a bone and started asking questions in english in order to make Heil feel more comfortable. Heil, in either an act of stubborness or guilt over having caused the french interviewer to revert to her second language, continued to try to answer the questions (again, which were now being asked in english) with a hodge-podge of french and english!!! The interviewer continued to ask in english. Heil continued to answer in franglais. The whole thing just fell apart. By thet end of it, the interviewer started laughing, Heil started laughing, I started laughing. It was a total trainwreck.

It was a great Saturday!

"Be good, be kind, be truthful and feel free, and keep your wholly lovin' eyes on me".
-Be Good, by the Hothouse Flowers

Observations

2006-02-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

First of all , I am really sorry that its taken me this long to update. I'm gonna try to be more frequent with these updates. Call it a new years resolution (they can start in February too!).

Anyway, today, I think I will devote this post to random observations just to get me back in the swing of things. So let's get this party started!

Yesterday, I was bamboozled into taking a "bodypump" class with some co-workers. For anyone who doesn't know, bodypumb is basically a total body toning class. you do one exercise per body part for 4-5 minutes continuously. I think I went a little too heavy on the squats, because my lower body is killing me! The really bad thing is that I usually hurt more 48 hours after a weight workout, so I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring. I'll have to get a wheelchair to tool around the office in.

I've learned that there will be a 2nd season of Rockstar. This was the show, that INXS went on last summer to find their new singer. The only catch is that no band has been announced for the 2nd season. Therewere rumors that Van Halen would be the band, but these rumours have been denied. Personally, I think its aboslutely stupid to announce a 2nd season without announcing the band. Does this mean, the format has changed and they're now just looking for the next big rock singer and making him/her a solo act? If so, that sounds a little bit too much like an existing show...what's it called...you know the one...with the pissy British guy, the fat Black guy and the chick who danced with the cartoon cat. If they do continue with the band format, they best announce it damn soon so potential contestants can decide whether or not they want to audition. I would suck to audition for a show, thinking you're going to be the next big thing, only to find out down the road that you're actually competing to be the new lead singer for "Colour me Badd", "Before Four" or "Triumph".

On the topic of INXS, 12 more Canadian dates have been announced. They include stops in Moncton and Halifax (ya hear that Brodie and Jenn?) as well as Toronto on May 14 and Kitchener on May 15. I plan to go at least one of these shows. Anyone else who's interested? Let's get a plan together. I don't know when the tickets go on sale, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open.

Live with Nickleback??? What do I do????

2005-12-06T16:19:00.000-08:00

I've got good news and bad news...

The good news is that I just read that my favorite band Live will be touring Canada extensively in the new year including a stop in Toronto on February 15th!

The bad news is they're opening for Nickleback for the entire tour...ugh

I'm torn as to whether I should purchase tickets or not. I have already seen Live before, but would love to see them again...but I hate Nicklesack!! (yes...that typo was on purpose).

What do I do?!??!?!

Back in PEI for Christmas

2005-12-01T16:08:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

For any islanders who've been checking this blog out, I'll be back home for the holidays from Dec.21 to Jan2. I hope to see as many of you as I can. Take care.

Steve

My gift from the FBI

2005-11-26T07:44:00.000-08:00

My work week ended on a very pleasant note yesterday.

For several months now, I've been doing some collaborating with an instructor from the FBI's National Academy named Tim Turner from the FBI's training division, who was working on obtaining his Ed. D. dissertation, for which he's using one of our assessment tools. The deal that was struck was that we'd give him use of the tool for a reduced fee in exchange for use of his data for future conference appearances and academic publications. However, since his stats knowledge was somewhat limited, yours truly stepped in and ran his analyses for him.

Anyway, a month or so passed after I finished up with his analyses. Then all of a sudden, I'm working in my office yesterday and I get a call from the front desk saying that Tim was out front and wanted to see me. Naturally, I was quite perplexed as to what this could have been all about. Was I about to be "snuffed out" for "knowing too much". Contrary to my worst fears, Tim was in town with his wife visiting his mother-in-law in Niagarra Falls for American Thanksgiving. He had driven up to TO from the falls because he wanted to thank me for all the help I'd given him on his dissertation. He then introduced me to his wife and mother-in-law and presented me with a copy of his disseration. The cherry on top of the proverbial sundae was when he presented me with an FBI baseball cap, which I am currently wearing as I type this.

I find it very refreshing to work with someone like Tim. Many times, the world of research presents you with academics who cop this attitude that they're better than everyone and that the world revolves around them and their research. As a result, you sometimes find yourself being treated more as a lapdog as opposed to a collaborator, which as you can image can really do a number on one's self-esteem and motivation. Conversely, Tim was so appreciative of my efforts and the efforts of other people from MHS, who helped him accomplish this goal that he set for himself. He recognized how he and all of us were able to mesh our individual expertise and gifts to produce something really exceptional. I don't think of myself as someone who needs constant praise, but every now and then its nice to know that your work is having a positive effect on people and that its appreciated. It only motivates me to work harder to maintain the standard that I've set for those people.

From a professional standpoint, this data is oozing with publication and conference potential, which will look great on the old CV. I'm also building valuable research contacts, which could serve to be very beneficial in the future as well. So I eagerly await the next phase of this personally and professionally re-invigorating collaboration.

Have a great weekend everyone,

Steve

The Eye of the Tiger

2005-11-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

"Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times it happens to fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to kep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger, its the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challeng of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of the Tiger"

-Survivor

The above mentioned 80s "classic" was made famous in the hit 1982 blockbuster Rocky III starring Sylvester Stallone and BA Barracus himself, Mr. T. The Rocky movies were always famous for their musical training montages, which would involve Sly going through unorthodox training regimes in order to prepare for his eventual clash with the movie's antagonist (Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Drago or Tommy Gunn) who would formulaically wipe the mat with Rocky's face earlier on in the movie.

These days I find myself going through similar montages in my head as I try to conquer my "Drago", in the form of the pounds that have creeped up on me since I started working full time. My most recent attempt has me using a new training regime that my co-worker Clinton has provided me with. Clinton had put on quite a bit of weight since starting at MHS. Fed up, he took on the services of a personal trainer who provided him with a butt-kicking exercise and nutrition program that has seen him lose in excess of 25 lbs in the last 8 weeks.

Like Yoda provided Luke Skywalker with the power of the force...or was it Obi-Wan Kenobi...damn, I always mess that up! My Star Wars knowledge is not what it used to be...However, my Spaceballs (the well-known Star Wars spoof) knowledge is immaculate!...so I'll start again...

Like Yogurt provided Lonestar with the power of the Shwartz, Clinton has provided me with the power of his exericise program, which I have been following for the last week and I don't mind telling you that my body hasn't been worked this hard since I played rugby back in high school. The program is basically a weight training program with intervals of cardio sprinkled throughout . Each workout involves working 2 body part, 3 or 4 weight exercises with high repetition and light weight each with strict attention paid to form and only 30 seconds rest in between sets. So my weight training is now another cardio workout. Where possible, the exercises are done on stability balls or bosu balls to work on core strength and balance while training whatever body parts are targeted for that particular workout. If that wasn't enough, in between exerices, I'm to do 1 to 3 minutes of intense cardio. So on top of my cardio-weight-stability training, I'm also doing 12-15 mins of sprinting as well. At the end of each workout, I'm completely gassed and drenched with sweat. ...that's right ladies, just TRY to get that sexy image out of your minds...ooooooooh yeah.

Ahem...Anyway, I have to carry out this self-inflicted punishment 4 days/week, with 2 days devoted to whatever type of cardio or sport I chose. The 7th day is my off-day....which, I spend in church, on my hands and knees, praying to the good Lord above that he either gives me the strength to carry on with this routine or allows me to win the lottery so I can at least afford a very elaborate girdle. One piece of good news is because the routine is so intense, I'm usually in and out of the gym in less than an hour, which is great! I've even dropped a couple of pounds since starting, which has only motivated me to keep going. I'm hoping to be down another 10 lbs or so in a month's time....just in time for the holidays....and turkey....and egg nog...and christmas cookies...

I've made a huge mistake....

Is the streak over??

2005-11-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

One of the many perks to blogdom is that is allows me to present the most mundane moments in my life in such a way to give the impression that they're newsworthy.

Case in point, today I feel like crap. Over the last day or so, I've developed that farmiliar, scratchy, raw feeling in my throat that always serves as a sign that a cold or the flu is on the way and I'm powerless to do anything about it. But that's not what concerns me the most...and this is where the blog affords me some creative freedom...

I have worked at my present job for the past 16 months and I have never, NEVER used a sick day. That may not sound noteworthy to you, but if you worked where I work, you'd understand that such a streak basically makes me the Cal Ripken Jr. of sick day use (or lack thereof)...at least the A.C. Green of sick day use for you NBA fans out there. You might also be interested in knowing that I get 4 sick days/year and they DO NOT carry over, so if I don't use them this year, I lose them. So its not like I can use them to extend my vacation time in any way either. Basically, the only thing preventing me from calling in sick tomorrow is my ego prevents me from breaking "the streak", which ranks me right up there on the lameness meter with 50 year old men who can't seem to stop bragging about their old high school athletic accomplishments with Al Bundy-like fervor (as we all know Al Bundy once scored 4 touchdowns in a single game for Polk High!). Since I haven't accomplished anything of note on the sporting field (with the exception of being a 3-time, 3-time, 3-time rugby bronze medalist in high school!), I've had to create foolish little credentials for myself such as the aforementioned attendance record as well as the fact that I haven't vomited since I was 10 years old (making me the Cal Ripken Jr. of barfing also!) and my impressive streak of successful haircuts. The male ego is an interesting thing indeed.

Perhaps a part of me thinks its wise for me to keep my perfect attendance record intact in the event that I need to revert back to it in some future performance review. Ya never know when I may have an off-year and will need a little boost. I can picture it now:

Boss: Well Steve, this year hasn't been your best.

Me: Oh really?

Boss: Yes, your productivity is way down, your co-workers can't seem to get along with you, your managers say you never listen to anything they say, and most importantly, you haven't been using the proper cover page on your TPS reports (shout out to "Office Space"). What do you have to say for yourself??

Me: I've never called in sick.

Boss: What! Really?! (looks through paperwork)...Oh my God you're right! Here, have a raise!

Finally, I suppose part of me is worried that if I spend a precious sick day on a cold or a flu, the next week, I'll come down with something like lupus or the clap or a combination of the two (clupus??) and I won't be able to take the time to recover.

I suppose in the end, the decision to end "the streak" or not will be made early tomorrow morning. Am I over-thinking this?? On that note, I've spent the last hour writing this and have caused you to spend several minutes of your valuable time watching me whine over something completely pointless....I love my blog :-).

Opening the S-Files

2005-11-21T22:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I've decided to jump on the Blogwagon as it were and create one of these badboys of my own as I feel it will be a good way to stay in touch with you all as I admitedly am a terrible e-mailer at the best of times.

I'll be using this blog to keep you updated on the various happenings in my life and to discuss whatever topic is tickling my fancy at that particular time. In time, I hope to get a hold of a digital camera soon to add photos to this blog so you can be kept updated on such mentally stimulating topics as: how messy my apartment can get, what hairstyle I'm sporting, and the sights and sounds of my area of TO, Scarborough, often times referred to as "Scarlem" or "Scarberia"

I encourage you all to reply to the posts as often as you can as I'd love to your feedback.